This retrograde has totally bitch slapped me with some much needed old life lesson reminders ya’ll.

Do NOT grow up. It’s a trap

If you are awake and value someone as a person, not an object, tell them.

Has anyone seen my will to live?

Your moment of zen.

Don’t bite the hand that fingers you or whatever.

My little 17 pound dog will straight up bite your face off if you get too close to her. And honestly, same.

You're not shadowbanned there's just no one left that cares

What is up with A-A-Ron’s porn stache?

Y’all commenting on our uneven eyebrows like your balls aren’t sitting there like 0o.

More times than not it is what it isn't

Still… it comes and goes and waves. 🎶

I used to be good at twittering…

American Girl is the best Tom Petty song. I’ll die on this hill.

what if they made porn that wasn’t incest themed

A haunted house, but it’s a grocery store full of everyone you went to high school with.

I’m guess I’m going to be a slutty bowl of pasta for Halloween because I spilled it on my white shirt and tried to wash it off.

Why are y’all still here?

What is this new bullshit that keeps popping up and why do I still check here? The. Fuck.

Sorry your follower count is more important than your integrity.