Diapers are so absorbent because toddlers need something to hold all of their audacity.

I organized my Tupperware drawer & came up with 12 lids & 5 containers which, according to Tupperware math, is correct.

Shower thoughts >Lying Down to Sleep thoughts

Today there was an hours-long Internet outage in my neighborhood. So naturally my family read books, played games and fought with each other.

Things I never thought I'd say, yet here we are: "We don't eat raisins. That must be poop."

When I asked my husband how often he thinks about the Roman Empire, he paused and said "Considering the Stoic philosophy is how I live my life, I think about Marcus Aurelius literally every day." I am 💀

Happy Friday podcast fans. Edition #230 of Find That Pod is out -> 5 great podcasts to discover: ➡️ Modern Mom Probs Modern_MomProbs ➡️ Killer in the Family ➡️ Good Bad Billionaire ➡️ Batman: The Audio Adventures ➡️ Braaains Braaains Have a great weekend!

Child: I need help with my math. Me [looking]: Well, if you carry the- Child: No, that's not how you do it. Me: OMG FINE. Then how do you do it? Child: I don't know, that's why I need help.

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control

I had a really fun chat with Tara Clark on the @modern_momprobs podcast, where we talk babies, 80s movies and the weirdness of parenting! Link below or listen wherever you get your podcasts!

I had an absolute blast chatting with Chesca from Litterbox Comics about the weirdness that is parenting. Have a listen! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mod…

I’ll never forgive you for this @CoraJadeWWE

This week on the podcast, Sarah Adams of Mom.Uncharted joined to talk about the state of Sharenting. It's a fantastic episode (if I do say so myself). If the Egg Crack Challenge made you cringe, you should listen to this episode! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mod…

Remember, it's time to fall back... into seasonal depression.

If you like constant interruptions when you’re [no you can’t have a snack] trying to get something done, then parenting [leave the cat alone] might be for you.

PSA: When your kids become tweens, they will talk to their friends on group chat on speaker and you will hear their families in the background. And they can hear you...

You deserve all good things, even though sometimes your brain may tell you otherwise.

One thing I hate about Christmas movies is how everyone is always out shopping on Christmas Eve and they seem HAPPY about it. How are they not stressed? When are they going to wrap their presents? I have so many questions and so much anxiety thinking about this.

Remember that Christmas in the 90’s when everyone just gave each other polar fleece from Old Navy and it was the happiest we have ever been?