wakingupinthemorningthinkingaboutsomanythingsijustwishthingswouldgetbetter

Anyone else’s grandma compliment their ass all the time or is that just mine?

Today my professor compared the Greek Gods to Little League moms and that is the most accurate description of them I’ve heard yet.

Why are men so afraid of birds

A neighbor’s Halloween decoration has never made me laugh more

Duo lingo tok is really getting me through the semester

A$Ap + Rihanna = baby Rocko

I used to laugh at jokes with setups and punchlines but now it’s just stuff like this

My toxic trait is I genuinely think I could walk up to a lion and they would sense my wonderful vibes and not attack me

(doctor yelling from outside the MRI machine) ok now let’s do a silly one

Hi Dairy Queen I have a proposal. Can you make a blizzard with the crunchy chocolate part of your ice cream cakes? 🤠

me: umm actually that’s Frankenstein’s Monster friend: oh my bad *puts down energy drink* Frankenstein: don’t sweat it bro

This is Poe. He is my son. You love him now.

when I say I got that dog in me this is what I mean

in med school we had a lecture on hypothyroidism and suddenly there were a bunch of us that were absolutely convinced we had undiagnosed hypothyroidism when in reality we just had med school