Wife:AJ's at a play date all afternoon, we have the house to ourselves. M:You thinking what I am? W:Yeah, let's clean like F-ing whoah!

It's Monday night and you have made spaghetti for dinner and the house is a mess. Warning: you have lost this week...

#dadjokegamestrong

AJs favorite game now is every morning she will run up to tell us that she has a poopy diaper, then fight us relentlessly while we change it

AJ is a master "reverse" pick pocket. I find toys and socks in my pockets several times a week..

I don't understand how people have more than 1 child... I have been exhausted for 2 solid years with AJ alone...

Hearing the daycare lady describe how she manages behavioral issues sounds a lot like wizardry to me...

I did AJ's hair this morning and it turned out pretty good so I'm calling today a win.

AJ has caught on that we call the dog "Tommy BOY" and as a result I am now called "Daddy BOY" and wife is "Mommy BOY"

God I hope AJ never asks me about this election.. I don't know how to explain what happened..#iwaswithher

AJs latest thing would be cute if it wasn't aimed at me AJ: "No, go way"

It's official. We, literally, have a window licker...

AJ is loving this football game! #Seahawks

On the "Tired Parent Scale" I'm right about, cereal for dinner

I left town and unplugged for vacation on Inauguration Day. 2 weeks later catching up in the news has been..interesting...

Summer dad mode engaged

AJ: Daddy my finger stinky M: ......... why.... AJ: I touch my butthole

Defying the odds AJ will put on any article of clothing backwards 80% of the time

Halloween night ended in enevitable fashion, an absolute toddler meltdown on the floor in the bathroom of a Red Robin.

FBs “On This Day” function is great if you run out of embarrassing memories to obsess over