Jeff Probst: “Welcome to Survivor” Me: *Already being medically evacuated for being too sunburnt*

big weekend ahead

I know a caesar salad hate to see me coming.

this is how i look walking into chilis

“u should think about cutting out caffeine” would you ask an angel to consider removing their wings?

Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to take PTO

when everybody sees you waIk in and they say “oh thank god you’re here”

we're living in increasingly unfergalicious times

Oh you want me to work....in December? When there's sugar plum fairies dancing and chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Get real.

we are losing the art of falling down wikipedia rabbit holes. can everyone please send their favorite weird wikipedia page

the labubus will never be her

the week everyone started saying labubu seemingly out of nowhere i got so scared

ever since i was a little girl i wanted to retire

ever since i was a little kid i knew i would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia