Alan Partridge as #Oscars2023 nominees. #oscars A thread: TOP GUN: MAVERICK

We’re all born naked and the rest is crab

I have emotionally prepared myself to have my heart ripped from my chest. *Presses play on ep. 3 of The Last of Us

I’ve been going to the gym and losing some lbs but it seems like I’m just losing the weight IN MY TITS!!!!

To the beefcake who sold me my protein powder today: Crush my head between your thighs. Kind Regards, Kristen

Costco is my personal hell.

google maps needs an “i’m walking alone at night” option

Had an edible and watched two people play Mahjong on TikTok for way too long. Just as God intended.

Bringing your dad both screwdrivers because you don’t know what he’s talking about.

Asking strangers to feel my muscles. Normal or no?

judge: do you swear to speak the truth and nothing but the truth me: yes judge: who do you like me: omg dare

Just saw one of those dogs who looked like a human that had a tough day AND he was wearing a key card looking badge!

Talk about a Cosmic Gumbo!

me 1 hour 57 minutes after I’ve said I’m on my way

I’d like to formally apologize for the price of reusable bags at retail establishments. According to a customer today, I am solely responsible.

Anyone else find themselves crying during this last season of Bob's Burgers or am I just going through some stuff?

Question for those with siblings: What was it like just growing up with a bunch of extra fools in your house?

If *NSYNC doesn’t have a reunion tour I’m going to evolve from being a big fan into being a big problem.

Just made a mini lasagna in a loaf pan and had to tell you guys because NOBODY is talking about it!

Do you ever sit and think about how amazing your friends are? And also do you ever want to just squeeze their perfect little faces in your little hands, look them dead in the eyes, and tell them how flawless they are and if anyone told them otherwise you’d kill that person?