dudes will be like "wheres my big tiddy gf with a small waist that watches anime and plays video games but not too much and can be both my mom and my therapist" meanwhile theyre just some guy

I really wanna sell some red and green cutlery and call it “The Knife Before Christmas”

So Legends: Arceus is probably the best Pokemon game to date, Hisuian Typhlosion / Growlithe / Zoroark are looking COOL AF (and the battle sequences are WAY better than any other Pokemon game)

Hi I'm Johnny Knoxville and I'm about to watch the dog episode of Futurama

🌈

Had a dream I wrote a sitcom called HOUSE OF LAVA and the entire premise was this basic joke, done 100 different ways: (Enter Main Character) Hey guys, sure is hot in here! Lava: *just melts everything*

Abandon all reason Avoid all eye contact Do not react Shoot the messengers This is a low flying panic attack Sing a song of sixpence that goes “Burn the witch”

He’s a 10 but his favorite band is Imagine Dragons

My son is not amused. 🤣

After tonight’s episode of Better Call Saul 🫣

The corn song is really keeping me going, you guys.

If you take longer than 5 minutes at an ATM, I am legally allowed to punch you directly in the temple.

Spring is here 🌸

It’s a great day to get the David S. Pumpkins theme song stuck in your head for 3 hours straight 🎃 #anyquestions

This is just your memory. I can't give you any new information.