Christ, this is brutal. And true. mcsweeneys.net/articles/sharp…

rats and sweet potatoes are too similar in both shape and size smh

The tuition checks have cleared so we can start enforcing the social distancing rules! Ready to hand out a few suspensions?

coronavirus stand back and stand by

Obviously it’s funny that Stephen Miller has it but he could have easily infected others. Please please please go get tested if you live in DC and own a Nazi memorabilia shop or a haunted sex doll brothel.

Proud Boys everywhere have their confederate flags at half-mast tonight

Again, how did AP frog-boil itself into burying this insane aside 28 paragraphs deep. apnews.com/article/electi…

Strong yes.

If someone told me 3 years ago, while I was waitressing to help my family stay afloat, that in a few short years an unhinged President of the United States would be repeatedly saying my name at the 2020 debate, I would’ve brought them some water and told them to sober up.

.Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez on the New York Times’s bombshell investigation of Trump’s taxes: vntyfr.com/VbXWvad

PA sent out 2.6M ballots; 518K returned so far. Mail-in voting was only introduced to PA this year, and all sixty-seven counties have different procedures for receiving and counting mailed ballots. They can’t start processing or counting until 7AM Nov 3. newyorker.com/news/campaign-…

💯💯💯💯

If you're amazed that Bernie Sanders predicted the past 12 hours, wait till you hear what he's been saying about climate change!

Has anyone checked on young Jared? My thoughts and prayers are with this American icon, during what must be an extremely stressful time 🙏🏼

Here I am going to try to address some confusion about why Allegheny County is not going to begin counting 30,000+ ballots until tomorrow. People are going bonkers about this, or castigating hard-working employees on no sleep, and it is wrong. (thread)

So ridiculous. Donald must work on his Anger Management problem, then go to a good old fashioned movie with a friend! Chill Donald, Chill!

Actually what we need to do is win two senate seats in Georgia and ram every single progressive policy possible down the throats of this nation for the next four years. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Doose got absolutely zero pussy and terrorized star’s hollow because of it.