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Party Me: Who the hell is 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 guy? Friend: I brought him for you. Me scoping out the room: I’m gonna regift him.

I can’t mansplain, but I will Annesplain.

The end of this tweet is coming soon, just not yet, ok now.

By the year 2030 it’ll be illegal for kids to pretend they’re smoking on cold days.

All I am saying is it is over for you bitches when I get this ankle monitor off, just putting that out there...

І’m celebrating Elvis’ 90th birthday by eating all my meals on the toilet. Happy Birthday King!

How do I turn this off? *gestures to entire world*

*seductively blows off dried chocolate milk crumbs from the carton

Behold the mighty Cheetos Moth.

Meemaw after one Bartles and Jaymes wine cooler

(swooning) ai really gets me

We Floridians don’t care what the other 56 states think about us.

Ever just feel like doing a spontaneous fiery prison break out but then think oh yeah, I'm not in prison. Sad. I know.

Starting a DM room just for men where we help each other pick out our best pictures of our lawns.

If you accidentally embarrass yourself just stand up tall as you can and confidently walk away. Works for my dog anyway.

To be fair, everything probably was "fine." Then she heard him muttering under his breath while he was walking away.

The Fire Aid benefit concert will feature Earth, Wind & Fire which are the exact reasons the concert is necessary in the first place.

It’s not a real relationship if it only exists when it’s convenient for you. I deserve better. Cat: *knocks my drink off table*

Cursed video: IF YOU WATCH THIS TO THE END YOU WILL DIE IN SEVEN D— *ad starts* Me: *skips ad* Cursed video: —AYS! Me: Oh no.

Parenting means you will never say "What?!" again without sounding annoyed.