Just got called out at work for wearing “booty shorts.” I won’t apologize for being dummy thicc😤😤👏👏🍑🍑💯💯 #blessed #bootynation

Hey Stephen Colbert got this super niche question for my topics in comedy class. Hoping you can help a pal out. Thanks!

My friend just nominated me for the bachelor. Is this rock bottom?

I put the diva in diva cup

getting 𝔀𝓮’𝓻𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓿𝓲𝓻𝓾𝓼 tatted on my ass the second we’re released

One of the advantages of living alone is you can sing as loud and horribly as you want and no can tell you it’s bad! Except my hamaster. Dude gave me the side eye 😤

Looking for a new mom that won’t sleep through EVERY movie we watch together

DEAR YOUTUBE SANDWICH VIDEO PEOPLE: BURGERS ARE NOT SANDWICHES HOT DOGS ARE NOT SANDWICHES TACOS ARE NOT SANDWICHES Stop clickbaiting me with deli meats if all you're gonna show me is ground beef!

Someone plz help me figure this out

👁👄👁: me trying to look deep into a man's soul when he says I'm funny to see if he means it or is just saying that to get inside my pants

I am not even kidding. NOT. EVEN. KIDDING. Betty White might actually be God #bettywhite #hanginthere #givethiswomansomevodka

If u don’t like papa johns pizza u were raised by WOLVES. WOLVES I TELL YA!!! #PapaJohnsIsMyRealDad

🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🥴🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢FIGHT ME!!🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢

Not all cops? You're exactly right, the police canines would never do this

getting a brown Punisher logo tattooed above my goiter to support cops with diarrhea

Pretty stupid to start saying that everyone who celebrates fourth of July this weekend is racist when celebrating just means grilling, drinking, and maybe blowing up some fireworks, which is simply an ideal Saturday, just dont like chant USA while you do it