See that guy you just called a crooked-caped magnet fucker? It's true I've caught him doing it it's gross.

"@wbpictures: RT if you're ready to go #IntoTheStorm. " fUCK YeAH

*on a date* haha yeah so tell me more about your weather preferences

//finally got a job interview!!! WOOHOOO

but officer I was just world dominating

six little mutants jumping on the bed one fell off and "thE HUMANS HAVE PLAYED THEIR HAND, NOW WE GET READY TO PLAY OURS"

"everyone has their off days" I tell myself as I destroy yet another city

//dropped a book on my face (dance with dragons) now I have a bruise, reading can be dangerous kids take caution

//things I have today: -job interview -black eye

*flips Erik off but uses my other hand to cover it*

#FF Janos Quested Because his hair is almost better than mine.

//working at subway, eating cookies and reading fanfiction on my phone shhhhh, also havent been on in 4ever srry guys

Me after stealing yo girl

*overthrows all government and enslaves the human race during the purge*

//got called into work early cause it was busy, get here and it's completely dead, fuuuck me

See that guy you just called a drugged out paraplegic nerd? He didn't hear you say it louder.

//shows up out of nowhere after months to publish an old draft with starbucks

If u wanna join the brotherhood you have to go through initiation and that's pretty much just trying to hold Erik's hand without dying