Busted up laughing immediately when I opened my first Onion newspaper

on my death bed as we speak

Would anyone else here be fine with Elon Musk being charged with 518,428 counts of Negligent Homicide?

I cannot emphasise how BATSHIT FUCKING CRAZY this is

Gaga’s silence on Palestine

Madonna releasing Grindr exclusive content

Charlie didn’t catch one to the jugular in Europe…

My favorite thing he has ever posted

you had one job @prostateCancer

If Netanyahu was on life support I’d unplug him to charge my phone on 96%.

The Jews openly admitting to be devil worshippers is an interesting development

“Jesus was a Zionist” is such an absurdly illiterate take that I’m genuinely not sure how you even get to this conclusion

Shrinkflation pisses me off so bad because not only are you ripping me off but you're gaslighting me. I go talking about how there's less crackers in each sleeve and people treat me like I'm crazy. What's actually crazy is what we're putting up with from these corpos.

My 77-year-old mother just informed me that she is going to her first "sex party" and doesn't know what to bring. After some awkward questions, I said, "Gender reveal. You're going to a gender reveal."

PLEASE D*E

Better headline: "7 year old killed by anti-vax parents"

Allegations not aimed at either of them btw what a disgusting headline

this woman did not just find girls for epstein; she stood in the room while epstein raped them, instructing them on how to position their bodies while he did it. the shamelessness of wanting special treatment through every step of this process, just evil

how come these cameras never work when men are running around the city punching women in the face.