Mormon soaking is wild—imagine going through all that effort just to find a loophole in God’s rulebook, like He’s some lazy substitute teacher that won’t notice! #rant #soaking #mormon #funny #wtf #sex #bedroomtalk #religion

50 Shades of Grey is just Twilight for people who thought, “You know what this vampire romance needs? HR violations. #50shadesofgrey #movies #rant #standup

Vegas is the only place where you can lose your money, dignity, and memory in one night—and somehow wake up married to a stranger with an Elvis impersonator as your witness! #Vegas #rant #comedy #standup

Horoscopes are wild—like, “You’ll face challenges today”—mate, I didn’t need the stars to tell me that, I just opened my email and checked my bank account! #horoscopes #truth

Birds aren’t real, mate—think about it: they charge on power lines, they always watch you from creepy angles, and you’ve never seen a baby pigeon because they’re too busy uploading your data to the cloud! #conspiracy #rant

Mini bars are just legalised robbery in a tiny fridge—twenty bucks for a can of Coke? Mate, at that price, I want the CEO of Coca-Cola to serve it to me personally! #traveling #rant #truth #showerthoughts

Gym memberships are brilliant—you pay every month to feel guilty about not going, and when you finally do, you spend half the time wondering if everyone’s judging your squats or your choice of activewear! #gymlife #rant #showerthoughts

Self-checkouts are wild—I’m scanning my own groceries, bagging them, paying full price, and the machine still has the nerve to say, “Unexpected item in the bagging area.” Mate, yeah, it’s my will to live! #showerthoughts

Giving out your bank account details these days is like handing your house keys to a bloke in a ski mask and saying, “Just water the plants while you’re robbing me, cheers!” #showerthoughts

Billionaires are just people who looked at having everything and thought, “Yeah, but what if I also bought the moon… just to park my ego?” #showerthoughts