[four little monkeys]: who knew jumping on a bed could be this fun? [the fifth little monkey]:

Grinch: I would like to buy a dog Pet store employee: ok are you a guy? Grinch: No. I am some sort of gorilla Pet store employee: That is fine. Grinch: A green gorilla Employee: Doesn’t matter

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women

"I’m so bored i have nothing to do!" The cursed amulet in my pocket: you should start killing people

Please join me in praying for Israel’s downfall

This is why Cristina Yang from Grey's anatomy meant everything to me. In a sea of stories where women who question marriage and motherhood eventually fall in line and settle down, have the baby,change their mind Cristina didn’t. Shonda Rhimes gave us a character who knew exactly

The company that already went bankrupt and closed every store across the country two years ago? Ok.

i am pregnant taking 10 Tylenol a day in hopes my son becomes the greatest Magic the Gathering player in the world

I don't think we need two-factor authorization to sign up for Jersey Mike's rewards program. I think we can play that one a little loose.

i'm reading about 1970s leftist terrorist groups and look at this fucking guy

funny how men have hated women since the dawn of time but now women hate men and suddenly there’s a problem

“Hes my rock” yeah tied to your feet and dropped into the ocean

BREAKING: Loki will be the main protagonist in #AvengersDoomsday.

hello sharks today I am seeking a way out besides through

Gestures to make you more elegant and feminine

I am making a direct appeal to the rabid bear with dementia holding a machete

I wonder if it bothers Trump that he is the only President in history who never won an election against a man.

Oh so now she’s for people getting shot

look at how beautiful this is pictures like this really make me feel we should bomb each other and charge thousands of dollars for life saving medication and sit in our car all day and work endless hours to eat jalapeño poppers and pay rent to Blackstone