I can tell my frontal lobe is fully formed because I haven’t shopped at urban outfitters in a year

Driving around the city with the windows down playing the body keeps the score audiobook

type of shit i been on lately

I love watching The Kardashians it’s so soothing. It feels like taking your brain out of your head and soaking it in a warm bath and then putting it back

They made my coffee hot instead of iced, all I do is endure

this is how i feel eating ice cream out of a cone

One time I went to a restaurant in Florida w my parents and they sat us around a fire pit that was filled with trash & when they came over to light it I was like “one moment there’s trash let me take it out” and he said “oh no it’s okay” and then lit the garbage on fire

They need to invent a helmet that doesn’t look lame

My freaking wife once a month am I right fellas

As a hypochondriac, having nurse/veterinarian friends is so fabulous like I just send them pictures of my cats poop

In hundreds of thousands of years the only remnants of our civilization will be fossils and instagram mom resin art

There’s a thunderstorm right now and I found this snail staring at the sky lol

i don’t even care anymore. sure i’ll open a tj maxx rewards credit card. who gives a shit

How it feels to read on a kindle

this is how it feels to have a drunk cig

me when a mechanic is talking to me

Your coworkers will take you to the saddest restaurants in your city that you didn’t even know existed

Jeff Probst should reveal the Epstein Files