Giving a cigarette to the drunk guy at a dive bar is like recruiting your own private mercenary for the night

Philly n1 + 2 secured. Anyone need a single lmk #BGT #goose #elgoose

garntd (Garrett) we don't ever have to listen to Life on the Shelf again do we?

ur in her dms, i'm putting our bowling balls back and returning the shoes while she slams her beer before we leave

“Train by day, War Mode Podcast by night, all day.” -Shane Gillis

Give me adderall and a little bit of male validation and I could probably find Malaysia Flight 370

SEVEN YEARS AGO TODAY 🗓 NATE DIAZ SUBMITS CONOR IN THEIR FIRST FIGHT

i used to shine flashlights in my eyes as a kid for fun

Sometimes girlfriends have to be moved around like Sims. They’ll tell you “i cant work and my stomach hurts” and you ask “Did you eat lunch” and they go “no” and you respond “Go eat lunch.” Because otherwise it doesnt get done.

“Greasy food cures the hangover” said the fat alcoholic

Gypsy Rose Blanchard discusses her favourite activities post-incarceration: "I really obsessed with day drinking and smoking cigarettes in a public park at 2PM with my hung husband, it gets me really excited."

“Unlock’d 🔐” Building🤝Strong Bridges 🌉 Synapse⚡️Therapy 🧠 Neuro Pathways Activated # Makin’ It Happen 💯 Road-2-Success 🔛 - Champ 💪🦹‍♂️🤚 -CSO- 🇺🇸🏆🇲🇽 #ARPWave ⚡️🌊 Thanks My Recovery Fam 🥇

I WENT TO THE PIZZARIA TO BUY MY DINNER AND WHILE WAITING FOR THE PIZZA TO BE READY I DRINK 4 BEERS, SMOKED 1 CIGARETTE AND PICKED UP THE PHONE FROM A F4T Lady. JESUS ​​OF NAZARETH, WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE...

Happy Birthday to Zlatan

just broke one of my made up rules that only I have to follow

Too sane to be a Democrat. Too “how much psilocybin do I need to take to get the perfect reverb” to be a Republican.

Gulf of Getting Money And Fucking Keeping My Promises. Gulf of Respect

you met me at a very chinese time in my life