Me: So this is called a “meme” and it says “NATO gf Warsaw Pact bf” JFK: What on oyth

“don’t go alone, take this”

people are surprised that pete davidson keeps dating famous women but that is simply the reward he received for carrying madame zeroni up the mountain

and on top of everything else, fingies cold

The peoples republic of calabasas

*me getting into an Uber after 3 bud lights* Yo Whatsup beast

Silly Goose Studios called they wanna offer you a 3-picture deal

benadryl: oh you’ll go to sleep alright me: awesome! and then i’ll wake up? benadryl: in a sense

i’m rooting for them 😪

I dont want to watch something just matrix incept it to me so i will have already watched it please im fkn begging u

Posting "wow pretty problematic" under every single person's Spotify wrapped and then responding "it's not my job to educate you" when they ask what I mean by that.

Look at the end of the day it’s nighttime

How are we doing on breadsticks over here

imagine how much happier you would be if you were this person

They could never make The Office today. One day is not enough time to make a whole tv show

Missed connections: Tesla supercharging station

The only difference between us and the British is they pronounce lieutenant LUFFtenant

The greatest thing to come from professional football is taunting

Need i remind you that I’m so 2008; you’re so 2000 and late

When I was 8 years old there’s no world in which you could convince me that the mini-bar m&m’s weren’t $5,000+