My husband made a lovely dinner of roasted garlic potatoes, corn and chicken legs. He worked very hard and it looked and smelled delicious. But I had one bite of the chicken and it tasted funny to me. So now I’m waiting to see if anyone gets sick from eating it

now I know what to bring when I go on Naked and Afraid

I scream
You scream
We all scream because there’s no more ice cream

this weekend has been cold and disappointing.

like taking a german lover.

If you’re the kind of person who is always cold, there is a simple explanation: your body is haunted by your ghost.

played hide ‘n’ seek with the 5 YO earlier this evening and while she was counting, I got in the car and went to the local bar

that was 3 hours ago. pretty sure she got tired of looking and put herself to bed

played hide ‘n’ seek with the 5 YO earlier this evening and while she was counting, I got in the car and went to the local bar

that was 3 hours ago. pretty sure she got tired of looking and put herself to bed

only 3 weeks til weird Barbie ships! can’t wait!

they finally found the moon in the man!

I wonder what Bruce Banner does about clothing once he unHulks. like his cloths are all ripped and torn so does he just go home naked?

G.E.: we bring good things to life

Dr Frankenstein: and some not so good things (glances nervously behind him)

there’s always one in every crowd

imagine all the good you could do in world if you were a multi billionaire

Elon Musk: 😂😂😂

me (watching American politics on the news): I’d like to speak to the manager pls

Before you watch this, you’ll need to know that a matelot is a sailor

You’re welcome

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Me in my 20's: 'so nice to meet you'
Me in my 40's: 'move along, nothing to see here'

fuuuuuuuuck! columbia house found me!!
does anyone have $12,726.82 i could borrow?

At a certain point Mario has gotta realise that Peach chick has a thing for the bad boys and probably doesn't wanna be rescued

If you live to be 90 years old, then you will likely have spent almost 30 of those years asleep.

Therefore, if you’re younger than 30, that means a 90 year old could have dreamt your entire life.

Also, if you die in a 90 year old’s dream, you die in real life.