The sluttiest thing a man can do is be the right amount of asshole.

Don't forget to ignore the universe today.

What's good for the goose and all that babe.

You be the toaster

I’ll be the bathtub

I’m alive out of spite so never ever doubt my dedication to making your life miserable should I choose to do so

You can call me your crispy little hash brown if you wanna

The grass is just as fucked on the other side dumbass.

Sometimes I'm the only one who gets my joke and that's okay.

Hear me out. Instead of voice of reason, vase of reason. And you smack it on their heads.

Some of y’all are real fucking stupid

Keep trying to run up that slide, baby

Be mad at me all you want, I'm still gonna call you out on your bullshit.

i only bite a little bit

I’m not really main character material. I’m more like the funny best friend that tells you to follow your dreams and shit

you can’t hurt me i’m a woman on the internet.

I'm all nervous, no system.

wtf is a ✨mindful✨ serving of pasta? stop.

daily reminder that this is all stupid and none of it matters