"You think YOU have trouble making friends? Try having laser cannons in your arms!" 🤖 Lewd/Non RP, descriptive and literate! ⚙️ Very friendly, very kinky writer! 🔧 Bisexual, but selective. Plotting preferred! 💙More info below pinned!

It's evening in Gotham! When all the psychos come out to play! So what are Harley's big, dastardly plans for the evening? Uh... She'll get back to you on that. In a few hours.

Imagine: Stuffy know-it-all Harleen Quinzel by day, sexy Harley Quinn by night! A secret identity kinda deal! ... Harley ain't good at keeping secrets. Plus, Arkham has a funny way of ruining your medical career pretty quick.

Openly fingering herself in her Arkham cell... Not letting Harley room with her girlfriend? Lame. But not even givin' a gal some toys?! Cruel and unjust punishment!

Get a little tear in your suit? Sometimes, ya just need to laugh it off and give your girls a shake! That's how a sexy clown improvises!

Yeah, the moral was something like, "you can find humor in just about any situation"... But Harley does like bouncing around, so that works!

"You think this is bad, you shoulda seen Batgirl! Fightin' with her whole kitty on display! Think we should get her a razor for Christmas, Red? Personally, I like the look, but..."

Harley's a goofy gal! She's all giggles, and puns and cartoonishly sized hammers! Until she gives you a look guaranteed to soak your tights-

"Oh, bravo. You collared the cat, real creative. Except this is a DOG collar! Spring for something with diamonds next time..." In a cage, with her chest out, and she's still a sassy cat-

Just to be clear: Harleen Quinzel AIN'T a bimbo! She's actually quite the brilliant, respectable young lady! Harley Quinn, on the other hand--

A CLASSIC Harley Quinn maneuver. Lure em' in with clown butt, then FLATTEN em' with the mallet! It's absolutely foolproof! Why, yes, she does watch a lotta cartoons-

Fun fact: Harley sleeps naked! And has breakfast naked. And spends the morning naked-- She doesn't wanna do anything today, alright?

Batman's suit is weather resistant! Perfect for keeping him warm on those chilly Gotham days! ...Harley has a scarf and mittens over her skintight jester suit. Nips like diamonds. She might steal a hot chocolate.

"Aww, comedy's subjective! And you bats ain't exactly known for your sense of humor..." Harley's having fun. More fights should end up like this! She plops herself into Batgirl's lap. "So! Keepin' the mask on or off?"

Harley's usually annoying enough to get her own cell in Arkham. Which means that she can finger herself all day long with total privacy! Aside from the, uh... Guards. And cameras. And occasional heroes swinging by-

"Ooooh! So intimate!" Harley's lifting the cowl! Whether she recognizes Barbara is hard to say. She's definitely giggling, though. "Oh, ain't you a doll! And ta think, I used to try and bash that pretty face with my mallet!"

"Only if you promise to lock me up just like this!" Harley's clearly pleased! She's leaning into her. Pressing their chests, while trailing little kisses along her neck... "So... Do I get ta know your name now, Red? Somethin' ta moan later on?"

"Oh, you're spoilin' me! ...Babs." She practically purrs her name. Slowly grinding her hips against her thigh with that manic, seductive look! Arms over her shoulders. Blue eyes locked with hers. "Nice ta finally meet'cha..."

A pro tip from the Clown Princess of Crime! Shower time is your best chance to break outta Arkham Asylum! As long as ya don't mind some wet streaking through the city after...