when coworkers start asking about my weekend plans I feel like I’m talking to cops

Omg they would’ve got my ass

The best part about renting is getting to pour cooking oil down the drain

I don’t like who I become when I’m around a cheese board. Very greedy and competitive

Me if having big tits and horrible opinions was illegal

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to talk a lot all of the time

[pulling back my aggressive dog] sorry lol he can tell you were born out of wedlock

Having too much wine and replying “gorg!!!” to my former coworkers story of flowers in a vase. It doesn’t get much better than this

Thinking about myself as a little girl standing in line at the supermarket checkout, reading disgusting tabloids’ discussions of women’s bodies, & learning the language of how to hate my own, one in which I am still fluent

Donald Trump announces Lord Varys will lead the Department of Whispers.

Willie Jackson correctly places responsibility for the Treaty Principles Bill on Luxo for being too cowardly to rein in ACT's dangerous extremism. The gallery applauds. The Speaker is furious about it

In politics Gerry has only known pain

Here's a better angle that shows the Te Pāti Māori performing the haka right up in David Seymour's face. He looks shit scared.

This is the most powerful photo from NZ politics for some time.

they should let me go inside everyones house just to see

April Fools Day used to be a day to celebrate tom foolery and schemes but in todays society I am not in the headspace to be bamboozled….a whoopee cushion on my chair would literally make me kill myself