I would

A fairy got raptured in my driveway

Can’t even get no fuckin decent sandwich round here

I need a big, fat, wet, sloppy, slutty sandwich right now

9am grocery store sushi to ease the pain

[while holding the door for someone] go fuck yourself

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱‧₊˚ they did surgery on bender girlfriend

I need a blunt and some dome

They should offer a grief discount at the dispensary

me, taking huge rips of shoe polish remover in public: snrfff coughcoughcough uohhh

twink walking by: omg yes hunny we love poppers! happy Pride bitchh!

me, taking another lethal dose of inhalants and looking around confusedly: whhat th hell did that little girl just say to me

Microwave users be like “it cooks my food tho….”

*foaming at the mouth* Oh noooo, my foam

Next time i get asked if i fw taylor swift imma just pull a dead fish out of my pocket

Today i will be performing surgery on myself

i need to smoke weed about this

You may be in my dms but he’s in my recently searched on twitter …

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱‧₊˚ The voices always make me turn traditional cultural dishes into sandwiches, you understand them

I ate like 4 sandwiches today

ur dog smells like box surgery

Doc says one of my organs is failing but he won’t tell me which one unless I venmo him