🔥The 9th Round of Easy Loan, Earn $40 Reward is in progress❗️ ⏰ Promotion Period: January 15th - Feburary 15th, 2025 👉 Register now and check more details at gate.io/campaigns/358

This is the guest bathroom. It's where we flush dead bugs.

I have an on again off again relationship with reality

Maybe not better or worse but a secret third perfect thing for right now.

I locked the door behind me...these people were going to see my karate demonstration whether they wanted to or not.

Anyone else sick and tired of being sick and tired?

Betting on the long shot isn't the smartest thing, but it's more fun

Bear wearing pants but no shirt: Only you can prevent forest fires Bear wearing shirt but no pants: I really love honey!

In case of emergencies, my cat is a fully trained exorcist.

therapy isn’t enough i need a time machine

Could you just sit here quietly with me awhile and let me bask in your glow

I'm on the 'Life's too short' diet, and I'm loving every bite!

(wearing gratitude like a bathrobe) yes

Like many of you, I don't have a pet peacock. Unlike many of you, I have a plan.

Don't be afraid things will change, be afraid they won't.

i have been absorbed into The Network

Treat me like your first rodeo

And the ones acting like high school bullies for some weird reason

I’m afraid to use a question mark on twitter.

Saying “well that’s one way to look at it” every time my doctor stops talking

The doctor shakes his head and silently crosses out "Live" off of the Live Laugh Love sign. "Laugh" and "Love" have been crossed off for more than a decade.