Please stop describing crappy things as 'janky' thank you

Someone said the only people using Twitter on Friday nights are losers so congratulations everybody.

What would I tell my younger self?
Nothing, that dummy knew everything and wouldn't listen anyways.

Hello only to those who decided to cook and completely destroyed their food, to the others just hi

'Take your creepy feet and go'

Is something I actually just said to someone just now... Cuz honesty matters.

The surprise gibbeting will continue until morale improves now back to work

I'm starting to think porn bots are real people with real problems. I'm going to follow some back.

So much go fuck yourself.

Anyway, here's to life!
Thrilled af to still be on this ride. Health is the best kind of wealth and in that one way I'm rich! With any luck a bunch of it left to keep going for the good. Glad we're all here on earth at the same time.

Ultra clean water

Something you should know about color: blue means sad, except when it’s candy, and then it means quirky & gross.

Probably my deepest darkest secret is that sometimes I cut my plants, propagate them in water, and then when I'm sick of having them as a bouquet I throw them in the trash.

Dear people who fall asleep right away, what do you do with your soul.

My washing machine claiming it only has 1 minute left is why I have trust issues

I have plans tonight

(spend an hour finding something to watch, pause at the opening credits, scroll for 3 hrs)

My skill set is fine. It’s my will set that’s lacking.

Orange blossoms perfuming the night

Birds. All the audacity. Even the small ones. Especially the small ones

Every airport should offer a daily one way ‘mystery flight’ that just goes somewhere.