When you're almost done picking teams in gym class.

Travel Tip: If you tell the flight attendant that you are feeling scared because this is your first time on an airplane, they will almost always give you an extra snack later.

This man just yelled very loudly at his wife “I DO NOT need therapy!”. The rest of us here at gate C3 are starting to think he might.

ADMISSIONS OFFICE: ur child was not accepted to our college FELICITY HUFFMAN: then i will have to do a crime ADMISSIONS OFFICE: u can just donate some money & we'll let em in FELICITY HUFFMAN: a crime i shall do ADMISSIONS OFFICE: just make a donation FELICITY HUFFMAN: crime time

Imagine this product in a world where Stranger Things doesn’t exist.

Here they are! The #JFLNewFaces Unrepped 2019! Janae Burris Sam Tallent Andrew Stanley Sean Grant Andrew Murphy and I’m Sticking To It! Craig Conant Lael O'Shaughnessy Napoleon Emil Jordan Jensen Tina Friml Drew Dunn #JFLMTL (photo by Tristan Brand)

Some jokes that are appropriate now will not be appropriate in 10 years from now and others that are inappropriate now will be once again appropriate in 10 years. No one knows which but both will appear on this permanent platform. Good luck, everybody.

We have decided to cancel today’s dinosaur talent show after every single dinosaur wrote down “unthinkable chaos” as their talent

this must be because of our nostrils

books could be 20 pages if they didn’t describe the woods

This Guy 2020

“Hey mom, what fun vacation activities do you have planned for us?”

I know it’s rough now, but I really think some day we’ll be able to look back at all this and say, “That’s not a time I like to think about”

This was an uncomfortable way to meet Lecrae

being vaccinated does NOT mean you can walk into your local whole foods wearing nothing but a diaper and a baby bonnet yelling "i'm a dirty dirty boy, somebody change me", apparently

On today’s No Worries If Not, former Disney princess Rebecca tells us all about life as a cast member at Disney World - the good, the bad and the creepy dads!! Andrew Stanley open.spotify.com/episode/4kj00O…

This is softer than a Build-A-Bear

If it goes well, they are saying I can try out for shortstop.