AITA for putting my penis in peanut butter and leaving it in the kitchen? bit.ly/2OAODPN

there are no rules these days. i didn’t even put my collar on today. just walked around the house naked

This is comedy genius 🤣 This is one of my mate’s mum’s birthday today. His dad kept it a secret about the NHS clap tonight and told her he’d got everyone to clap for her birthday! She just spent a minute waving and thanking the whole street. The best thing I’ve ever seen 🤣🤣

Dreamt I was Boris’s girlfriend and massaging his feet through his striped socks ( all shades of brown) he/ we lived in a grotty flat with a stainless steel stair rail covered in greasy fingerprints - his mother came round and was very disapproving of the state of the fridge

Hi TopshopHelp I returned a parcel on 16 may and haven’t had an email confirmation of a refund can you confirm it has been received?

Hi H&M Customer Service I returned a parcel on 16 may and haven’t had an email confirmation of a refund can you confirm it has been received?

Being safely back inside a jumper until June 2021

Adele's friends reading the menu for her dinner party

Absolutely useless first grocery delivery from Sainsbury's. Order missing items, full of things I didn’t order, alcohol with security tags still on and products past their best 👎🏽

Yet again really disappointed in Sainsbury's bought these nectarines late last week with a good date on and all four are rotten

I had a blazing row with my husband about not storing our new skirting board under our bed, poking out & causing a trip hazard. That evening when he tripped over it in the dark and wrecked himself against the wall was one of the greatest moments of my life.

“Just play the f***ing note." “The first one?" “NO! NOT THE F***ING FIRST ONE!"

“I want to shower you with sugar lumps, and ride you over fences. Polish your hooves every single day, and bring you to the horse dentist."

Totally fed up of the charity hounders in LeedsBradfordAirport as you walk to departures, such full on and aggressive tactics makes a stressful experience having just gone through security with excessively rude staff (as always) even worse.

When we set up our joint current account, I set the name in the app to "Currant Account" so that when my husband asked why I could say "oh, no raisin." It's been three months and he hasn't noticed, and it's starting to grate every time I read it.