So is she gonna be "Zendaya Holland" or is he going to become "Tom"

I've noticed that anyone driving slower than me is a dumb-ass and anyone driving faster than me is a maniac

The best Saturday plans are zero Saturday plans. Everybody knows that.

Dentist: have you been flossing? *mouth pooling with blood* Me: most definitely

Is there REALLY no other presidential candidates available? Did they check the back???

Remember when we used to dedicate an entire album on Facebook to a night out? It would be called like “We’re on a boaat muthafuckas” and it would just be 32 blurry images of people you vaguely knew doing Jägerbombs. We really didn’t give a fuck back then, did we

every month I get a receipt from apple for $9 and I refuse to look into it any further

wish I was one of those weirdos who likes to go for a run when they’re upset

One of my biggest faults is when I ask someone their name, I forget to listen to what their name is.

Zac efron’s commitment to always speaking highly of high school musical and not treating it as some embarrassing thing he did as a teenager is so charming to me

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

there really is something about exactly 3 glasses of wine like 3 glasses of wine is that bitch. she’s moisturized she’s in her lane she’s flourishing.. she WILL be silly but she will also be in bed at a reasonable hour. I love her

We know he can swim but…

putting “reddit” at the end of every question i have on google cuz i will never trust an AI i need John from 13 years ago that has the same problem as me to solve it

health in america is so bad cus here you’ll be making a salad thinking you’re doing good and then there’ll be a recall on the lettuce

whoever came up with the ceasar salad + fries combo, thank you

Girl we don’t have houses 😭

HAVING AN EMPTY LAUNDRY BASKET IS THE BEST FIVE SECONDS OF THE WEEK.

me testing the firmness of every avocado in the grocery store

All Forever 21 needed to do was revamp their clothes to fit the current days aesthetic and stop selling shirts that said “taco tuesday” but no they didn’t want to listen. RIP my girl.