These kids just saved their dog from the grasp of a python. Heroes x.com/_figensezgin/s…

I asked my son what time he wanted me to wake him up on the 1st day of school: "6:30, so I have enough time to shower & cry."

*when the villain in the movie has a PhD* Viewers without a PhD: Ah, they are just saying he’s a smart villain. Makes sense. Viewers with a PhD: Ah, grad school and academia drove him to madness. Makes sense.

adulthood is wild because my to-do list will be like 1. buy toothpaste 2. figure out how to write a will

an epi pen but for mental health

hey sorry i actually called shotgun infinity when i was 9 so you have to sit in the back

Don't forget to let your emotional wellbeing be dictated by kids in college playing football today.

Sorry we are late, we were scraping the Home Goods price tag off of your birthday present.

The most targeting targeting of all time x.com/FTBeard7/statu…

Wake the neighbors up at sunrise doing lawn work. It’s a small flex but the rival dads will see you putting the labor into Labor Day.

Kids today: Find out school is cancelled via text Me: Had to wake up at 5 a.m. and watch the bottom of the tv screen like the NFL Draft

Adult friendships be like "I miss you,” ….lets hang out in March

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he'd accidentally hung it up.

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Our Board Member and Chief Marketing Officer aanissen talking about some of our upcoming fundraising initiatives and the DBT mission #morethanwrestling #nonprofit #ColumbusOhio #FINLIT

I want to be rich but not rich enough that people celebrate my execution.