still can’t believe i got taylor swift tickets is my life even real?????

gave my Uber driver a bottle of hot sauce last night call me santa

santa’s not checking that list twice. give me a fucking break

cheerleaders should start doing sad/interpretive dance when their team is losing

me on january 1: this year is gonna be all about balance me on january 17: maybe if i drink enough coffee i’ll just burst into flames

I don’t know anything about grass but the Super Bowl feels like a bad time to try a completely new type of grass.

This is my finest work – please add to gravestone along with “invented car fart”

You’re either a Flowing Tide bitch or you’re not.

the guy inventing artificial banana flavor: whatever close enough

radio says “guess the musician” I say “idk maybe axl rose” colline says “is that the guy from camp rock?”

t swift in 10 days what in the WORLD

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I’m not as mean as I could be and I want people to be more grateful for that.

It will stay winter until you repent.

morning everybody thinking everyone’s due for the best Friday of all time

my grandma just asked me what the difference between a hookup app and a dating app

give me a pair of goggles and a buzzball and i will find the submarine

Taylor Swift gave away over $50 MILLION in bonuses to her entire 'Eras Tour' crew, TMZ reports. $5M was allocated towards her truckers who received $100K each, and an additional $45M+ was divvied up among sound techs, caterers, stagehands, backing musicians, dancers, etc.

Taylor Swift just chugged a beer when she was shown on the video board at the Super Bowl .