✨️ Happy New Year ✨️

Happiness doesn't always look like you thought it would look.

may you be seen and heard today in all the ways you deserve

There are no chicken ghosts, only poultrygeists.

“You have the right to believe in life after love”

-Me as the new Cher-iff in town

Bacon$oap S̲uper H̲uman A̲utomated Y̲odeler it wood be udderly ridiculous if you bought this, woodentit

Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue is terrible sex music on account of the post-clarinet clarity.

What do you call a depressed country chick?

A ho down.

the ones who notice tiny things.

Failure is an important stepping stone to embarrassment.

Fluoride disables the willpower section of the brain, impairing the left occipital lobe.

I’m not asking anyone out anymore. I’m just going to wave a kerchief and go, “Yoohoo!” when I see a pretty girl.

I triggered the shrooms bots. Help

Is it really that big?

~ me, to your ego.

Welcome to your 40s: you sigh before you stand up now. Have a nice day.

The road to Woodstock, 1969.

'Tis the season to dissociate on aisle six looking for cream of mushroom soup.