Instead of counting sheep I like to count worst case scenarios

I'm sorry my toilet paper joke offended you.

Good luck in the war.

namaste as fuck

Not to brag, but I was the third most popular kid in my homeschool.

Wherever you are, whatever you're going through...just know that everything will be ok.

I swear my soul is somewhere at the bottom of the ocean.

My daughter can watch a movie in HD on her iPhone ..... I had to look at shitty pictures of fake dinosaurs on this.

i want to die of natural causes like being murdered by a waterfall

I get it cicadas I’m ready to scream for six weeks too

I’m gonna need it to be Saturday again. Thanks.

You know you don't have to be drunk to say stupid shit, right?

I'll show you.

If I say “huh” then answer your question my brain was just buffering.

I can't wait for the day when I start hallucinating for no reason.

If your internet recipe doesn't have the 'Jump to Recipe' option, I'm moving on to another recipe.

Diner breakfast could fix me.

There’s a puka shell necklace in my closet that talks to me like the Green Goblin mask.

I'm not alone. I have ants.

I’m so glad to see the bot problem was taken care and they aren’t in any way worse

Boomer account: LindaC07274976592
Gen X: God/Goddess of Badassery and Sarcasm
Millennial: MikeDrop
Gen Z: fart stains