I would walk 500 miles which is 804.62 kilometers in your shoes but you were wearing Crocs.

If you or someone you know has been a victim of Crocs, you may be entitled to compensation.

When you say, “Her buns are fake,” the only exception to a BBL accusation is Leia.

Hear me out...

A web site that tells you what to do, how to do it, when to do it, how to act and behave.

My Wife

How dare Capital One keep asking what’s in our wallet. In this economy I’m lucky to have kohls cash and some grocery store coupons. Nosy fuckers!

Sure, Twitter is a great place to practice your eye rolls and fake yawns.

There are kids in Africa starving yet you’re all buying crocs.

To all the incredible women out there: Your strength, resilience, and grace never cease to amaze me. Keep shattering glass ceilings and inspiring us all! As a man, I'm proud to support and champion your success

b ( o )( o ) bies

Sometimes I think I'm too much for people, but then I realize just maybe they aren't enough for me

Teardrop tattoos but for bags of Doritos I’ve killed

I think I’m gonna fuck around and quote tweet all day

I'm going to take my emotional support ibuprofen now.

Everyone has gambled at least once on a fart and lost in life.

Just so we're all clear, the plural of Roomba is Roombae

Receptionist quietly into phone: Security? Yeah. He's back

When sensitive people get their feelings hurt.

So, it's Tuesday
what a day
let's eat pizza

Poetry is easy

We all only have one life, so waste it the way you want.

Just a bit of self-awareness can be a precious motherfucker.