I never knew I wanted one but today I learnt it's illegal to keep a bear as a pet in your garden here, so obviously now I really really need one

I’m not really main character material. I’m more like the funny best friend that tells you to follow your dreams and shit

i know time isn't real because the minute after i send an emotionally vulnerable text actually lasts 10 minutes

the first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety they just turn you into a normal person

I hate it when you do something awkward then can’t stop thinking about it for a decade.

I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, but on the plus side, neither do you.

The trouble with children is that they’re so awake in the mornings.

People with bad eyesight love to make you try their glasses on to see how fucked up their eyes are. It's a sign of respect in their culture.

believe something beautiful about yourself i dare you

Me: sleepy time

My dream: let’s see if you can escape this impossible and terrifying situation, and as a special treat you can’t run or scream

You treat people the way they treat you..and suddenly you're the bad guy.

Ibuprofen, coffee and my kids left over toast for breakfast sums up my experience of adulthood

I heard you’re an eco warrior, that’s great because I’m a natural disaster

My 5yo named her two favourite toys ‘Beefacus’ and ‘Real Dave’ so I think she should just name all newborns from now on

I have anxiety today which basically just means my depression had an espresso.

You wanna hear a good advice? Yeah, me too.

I’m always down to work things out, but once I start to feel like I’m begging you lost me fr

I am a firm believer that if someone wants me, I mean really fucking wants me, then nothing in this world would stop them, and I quite like living my whole life on that premise - love, work, social, business, everything.

If someone means something to you ... treat them like they do. Simple as that