I was actually born male but my massive dick fell off because Tim Hortons is using woke cup lids now. Thanks Trudeau

Have you tried eating a little snacky snack then taking a little nappy nap?

~me as a therapist

Me and--nope, fuck that. This is too much.

I don’t really understand your hockey tweets, but I will support you anyway.

Good morning, ugly.

I don’t know if we are true friends until I hear that toilet flush during your voice message to me.

Avocado: hello, I'm good fat

Bacon: **lights cigarette** **punches avocado**

Remember when everybody was Kung fu fighting? Simpler times man

Girls amirite?

That like you got on your shitty tweet today…..it was me, I was bored

I've heard from men who speak for every man that fat women's bodies aren't sexy, is that true?

Boss asked me why I'm limping and I had to think of an excuse fast because I didn't wanna tell him I was hiding in the bathroom so long my legs went to sleep.

Men, please respond.