Tina Belcher just gets me, and it's not just the hair.

What’s it like to have someone who is sure about you?

I'm gonna open a French fusion hotdog shop and call it:

'Oui-ners'

I may not know much but I do know that E.A. Poe is shorthand for Electronic Arts Poe.

Ice coffee isn’t real. Neither are ice cubes so shut up.

Branson, Missouri is the mid white person’s Mecca.

How am I supposed to save the turtles when they're out there eating pizza for every meal?? Help yourself first Donatello.

Let’s get drunk and crash an intervention.

tired of casual stuff, i want your soul crushing devotion..!

Please don't make me unleash my potential I'm so sleepy

'Maybe I'm just poorly translated' and yet the same words keep coming out. 'Maybe I'm the outdated edition' but everything is today. 'Maybe a whistle confused the dog ears' okay, now we are getting somewhere because I know I wasn't coming back to be inspired by obedient corners.

I am one fanny pack away from becoming completely irresistible

Just made a promise to my beloved friends that I will sneak them into Heaven.

PS: Now I just gotta find an unlocked window...

Today is a perfect day to sit on a deck drinking a margarita wearing a very ugly shirt

There is a God.

Got told I look like 3 vastly different 'celebs' this week. So time to bring back:

'what famous person/people has someone said you look like?'

I'll obviously go first:

I don't do this often, but if you're one of the handful of people who follow Exposure Guy , check your heart and report him. He's sharing intimate pics that aren't his and saying really vile things about good people.
Let's get this trash thrown out.