We're taught that you don't need a sword and shield in love. You should open your heart and stop protecting yourself. But as any woman with a little life experience knows, that's a recipe for hurt and betrayal. buff.ly/3CJfPC6

Of course you have to accommodate your partner's preferences and wishes. But do you have to abandon yourself and change who you are?

We hope that love will heal us. But human psychology has set us up to fail. Your partner's job, psychologically speaking, is not to give you the love you were missing but rather to trigger your wounds so YOU can heal yourself.

Joseph Campbell's description of marriage as an "ordeal" is the best description I've ever found. Marriage is not about love. It's about transformation.

Giving too much doesn't make your relationship better; it just drains you and creates a huge imbalance. Give appropriately, and take breaks to sit back and enjoy receiving.

When you're the one who's always giving, you start resenting the very people you're giving to. Don't worry so much about disappointing them. Worry more about the possibility of resenting them.

We often think that love is a sign that we're meant to be with someone. But what if love is just a nice feeling pointing to a possibility? We still get to choose whether we'd be happy throwing our future in with this person. buff.ly/3VzWFKu

Being a catch is overrated. In today's world, what matters is finding your MATCH. Your match is your person who's quirky in all the same ways you are.

Even though Seth Godin isn't talking about romantic relationships here, he could be. This is the difference between a commitment-ready partner and one who isn't ready.

When you struggle in your family of origin, it's tempting to believe the narrative: that the problem is YOU. If only you could be like everyone else! But the black sheep of the family is a potential cycle breaker - if others choose to listen.

It doesn't matter how much time passes. When you've been in an abusive relationship, those memories stay in your body like it was yesterday. What can put you on the path to healing? Embodied feelings of safety.

Our most fundamental relationship needs are attachment needs. If these needs go unmet, we shrink inside.

When you're kind, giving, and flexible, you're the perfect partner... but at what cost?

It's hard to see your own beauty. But if you can see it in others, it's in you.

We no longer have to make ourselves beautiful and stand around, hoping to be approached. We can pick someone we'd like to talk to and strike up a conversation.

Mastering trust is a two-part process. You've got to learn to give trust appropriately AND revoke trust appropriately.

No one likes being criticized - but if your partner acts like a victim when you try to talk to them about their behavior, that's a red flag.

Two roads diverge on a path. One road is blocked with a huge sign: "Go Away!" That isn't rejection; that's guidance. Be grateful for such an obvious sign that this isn't right for you.

Does your guy say this?

If you don't feel connected to your partner - if it feels like there's a thousand miles between you as you sit on the sofa with your phones - then that's a warning sign.