Tickle Pillys Wank see doo! Doo dah day!

Today’s newspaper: dinner made by wife causes man to have buttocks flatulence so ghastly, the entire town had to evacuate. Those goats that were in the trees. Floated to heaven. A funeral for the goats will be held at the park next Wednesday.

Update on the goat funeral: the pallbearers who were alpacas got lost and ended up in New Hampshire. 3/4 goats that the funeral was for did not show up. We expect the goat vampire took them. The fourth goat was missing a toe. Ethel cried about a goat that wasn’t even there.

Today’s news headline: man causes ruckus in park after his girl friend shows her boot shoes. Has to pay $300 to replace the water fountain which has been there since 1703.

You’re one of the first 13 and I’m still not sure lol.

NEW 19th CENTURY MEDICAL DISCOVERY! SINGING HICKORY DICKORY DOCK TO YOUR WIFES STOMACH WILL CURE HER OF FOOD POISONING! FROM YE OLDE UNDERCOOKETHED MEATINGS! JIGGITY JIG!

INTRODUCING… YE OLDE PREGNANT LADY TAX! A PREGNANT WOMAN CAUGHT WALKING AROUND IN PUBLIC OWES $7 TO THE TOWNE! FOR PREGNANCY IS A NEW FANGLED STD! WHICH CAUSES A LARGE PORTLY STOMACH. DRINKING ROOT BEER SARSAPARILLA WILL CURE PREGNANT DISEASES. HOOPITY FUCK FOG!

PIGGLE DOODIES! I am back! Time for silly Willy!

Todays news headline: congressman, Roger Parrington enacts law that will require all brothels to have at least one seasonal vegetable in their cabinet. Not doing so could face a fine of $300. (In todays money.)

Twinkle twinkle little star is about a man who was left blind. After a man was kicked in the head by a pregnant cow. It knocked his brain loose. He ran naked into the woods screaming about how the stars are coming to get him.

TIME TO CHASE RANDOM LADYS AROUND SCREAMING POTTYJACKHOHO!!!!

IF YE CHILDREN NOT GO ASLEEP RIGHT NOW! SANTA CLAUS WILL NOT BRING A STOCKING FULL OF PENNIES AND LOLLIPOPS!

Todays news headline: cow with rabies caught and butchered. Local man eats rabid cow steak. Bites random women on the bosom. Women have now contracted rabid breasts. Multiple wives last seen acting mentally aloof in Hickardson. Please don’t send clergymen.

The only way to cure constipation is for teacher to get a whole fist upon rectal hole, and pull as compared to the tightest rope of all. Teachers are doctors too. They cure students of cholera from shit water consumption.

When twitter locks your main account for “abusive behavior.” But you still have your second account lol.

someone has a case of the BOOPERLY FLOOPERLYS!

Only bathe once a month! You don’t want to catch FITHERLY DITHERLY do you?????

Todays news headline: Janet Plywood and Tilly Gongsbroth had sex but accidentally put it in the wrong hole. We have now invented a new style of sex called “fecal cavity pleasure.” Please try this today and a leprechaun will play with your ass hole immediately!

Under the covers. She doest make thee finest of poopy snuggles. Lets all commit poopy snuggles under thee covers today in honor of her!

Which little piggy is your favorite?