Always a guest, never a member.

Stay tuned for my upcoming book The 40 Minute Work Week coming out in 2042

Someone doxx me - I miss the feeling of getting physical letters

Sharing is caring which is why I don’t keep anyones secrets.

I’d like everyone to call me the late, great yael. Im not dead I’m just always late.

I dare you to eat this raw hamburger patty. No way. Ok I put a raw egg yolk and a garnish on it. I’ll pay you $32 plz let me eat it.

I think I’d rather see how the sausage is made than how coleslaw is made.

My mom says I should join a synagogue to “be a part of something”. Woman, I’m in 4 group chats my ‘belonging’ is too much.

Sometimes I feel bad that I don’t do enough community service but yesterday I placed a tissue over someone’s bloody pad in a public bathroom bin so I think I’m karmically ok.

When will airlines understand no announcement is ever worth interrupting my movie. Not even if the plane is going down. I’d rather die blissfully watching minions 3.

The airport body scanner saying “OK” after assessing me is such a blow. It might as well just says “MID”

Last night my husband farted and immediately said “it was you”. That is the truest definition of gaslighting.

If I was a tik tok therapist peddling my prewritten let-down text it would be: “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it - I was going with the flow, and the flow was not going in your direction”

We too put assholes on blast for being shitty