"Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face."

"Here’s my business card…ignore the burn, bloody fingerprint, and smudges."

"Hell’s bells…"

"The building was on fire, and it wasn’t my fault."

"I ship myself with financial stability…it’s hot."

"I’ve done smarter things in my life. Once, for example, I threw myself out of a moving car in order to take on a truckload of lycanthropes singlehandedly. That had been nominally smarter."

#SeductiveSunday "I’m always up for a little bondage, within limits."

"I’ve never met a place I couldn’t blow up, burn down, or knock over with enough motivation."

"Bad things kept happening to me. It was high fucking time I started happening to them."

"Fuck…"

"Show my half-brother some love."

"Is there a pizzeria called 'another one bites the crust' yet and if there isn’t then why not?"

"I’m not broke, I’m pre-rich."

"No, no, I’m Harry the lizard. Harry the wizard is next door." He says, sarcastically of course.

"Harry’s trying to look cool, he just looks like he’s in pain." Thomas chuckles.

"One Halloween I dressed up as a tacky vampire, in a house full of actual vampires. They weren’t too happy."

”Excuse me sir, this is a public library. If you’re going to be murdering people, can you tell your victim to keep the screaming down a little? People are trying to read."

#SeductiveSunday

"Fuck subtle."

"Polka will never die."