"But I love to hip thrust the dog in the face.."

*watching the NFL* "Why are there no women in the NFL? Can they not join? You'd think one could at least be a kicker or punter"

*watching the bachelor* Me: hey do you think- Wife: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

"Is it Groundhog Day again?.." #EarlySpring #GroundhogDay #NoShadow #BillMurray

"One time I singed off my friends eyebrows, it was pretty funny"

I started texting GIF replies to the wife cause I thought it was funny. She’s taken it to the next level and is infinitely better at it

"Does your wife love The Bachelor more than she loves you?" vine.co/v/ej1wQpUHZOD

*watching parks and rec* Ooh, I always thought his name was "deadlift shrimp" (Detlef Schrempf)