Selling out red rocks is something I always dreamed of. Since I was a kid I wanted to headline this venue, and I didn’t think it would come so soon. This dream would not have been possible without the great state of Vermont.

This the billionaire equivalent of cutting your own bangs.

What a ride it was. Thanks for the memories, Patrice. #MerciBergy | #NHLBruins

quick reminder that corporate america should be burnt to the ground 🙂

After he froze at the podium during the press conference I was sure he was done for

Not marry, not fuck, not kill, but a secret fourth thing (rooting for you and loving you from afar for the entirety of both our lives)

Being bi is not enough I need to fuck the moon

Upper Valley pride 💙💚

This is literally a coming of age movie 😭

The Patriots offensive line

Another day, another round of men asking, "Why are women attracted to this mildly unconventional looking dude?" Honey, every woman you know has a crush on the cartoon fox version of Robin Hood, and this is what baffles you?

I'm neither a night owl nor a morning person... I'm just a perpetually fatigued house cat

i shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. i should get to stare out the window all day like a cat

A successful grocery store run means I didn’t run into anyone I know.

This sucks so much. RIP 💔

one day in your mid 20s you will wake up with shoulder/back pain and you'll think to yourself "that's kind of random did I sleep weird or something" and then the pain will just never go away again for the rest of your life

Normalize shutting the fuck up 💕

There is no worse feeling than thinking you’re getting Warren Zevon’s “Werewolves of London” and then actually getting Kid Rock’s “All Summer Long.”