FIFA: "We'll ban countries that commit war crimes." Q: Even Russia? FIFA: "Any country - even Russia." Q: What about Israel? FIFA: "Now don't be silly, now..."

A leftist political party making mass homelessness a cornerstone of their manifesto is a baller move.

FIFA: "We'll ban countries that commit war crimes." Q: Even Russia? FIFA: "Any country - even Russia." Q: What about Israel? FIFA: "Now you're just being antisemitic..."

For some reason I'm being reminded of the "except the English papers" scene from Father Ted.

Yet another 75km attack? You can set your fucking watch by this guy. #GoldenAgeOfDoping

I always assumed it was just one weapon...

"Geraint Thomas: The two-time Olympic gold medallist details the grit and sacrifice needed to succeed" I thought the article would be all about how hard it is to ride the Tour if you're asthmatic, but he forgot to mention it.

"It'll come out." It already came out. Fancy Bears leaked your bullshit TUEs that proved you doped to win the Tour. “I’ve never cheated. I don’t regret being open about my medical history" You hid your medical history until Russians leaked it. Then you lied about it. 💉💉💉

All those people who'll tell you they're opposed to the death penalty...but are rubbing their hands together in glee over the killing of Ian Watkins... Pick a lane. I don't care which one. Because your current position is utterly moronic.

I saw "Gordon Brown" trending. Sadly, he's still alive. The devil will have to wait a little longer.

What sort of "test" is this? Is that like eating 5 ice creams as a way of testing your "I won't eat ice cream" diet?

I guess the paedo formerly known as #PrinceAndrew should be glad the Prime Minister is #KierStarmer - the guy who protected #JimmySavile from prosecution. He'll get to live out the rest of his life in wealth that few can imagine. That's his "punishment" for his raping.

Given she's an utter clown and an utter failure, why would I vote for any party that embraces her?

"Harry and Meghan join AI pioneers in call for ban on superintelligent systems" I didn't know where I stood on these issue...until these two geniuses stepped in to guide us all...

"Nobel laureates sign letter saying ASI technology should be barred until there is consensus that it can be developed ‘safely’" Hmm, I'm not convinced. "Harry and Meghan also signed it." In that case, this must be important!

The problem with making long-term predictions is that you almost always think they'll happen far sooner than they actually do.

"'She has nowhere to go or anyone else to go with': Sarah Ferguson is 'completely on edge' and fears for her future" I guess this is the "find out" phase of befriending an infamous paedo. Sorry, two infamous paedos.

"Tories insist Chancellor must be sacked if she breaks election vow" Yeah, because the one thing the Tories never did from 2010-2024 was break a lot of election vows. Fuck all these people.

Headline: "Brits more tolerant of men who have sex with underage girls than men who have sex with Ukrainian rent boys."

I'll take the over.