asking a girl to join a new social media platform for u after exchanging like three messages is bananas. No second locations until your ass is vetted, isn't that in the constitution

what's the best way to tell the library I got chicken marinade all over their Remembrance of Things Past Vol. 1 without having to explain myself

i'm just a churl

We have, for too long, shackled the bakery to the morning. Night bakeries. Fresh croissants at 11pm. It is possible.

(realizing i’m not anxious about anything right now) well this isn’t good. what am i forgetting

having to pay money to edit your own typo is dystopian idk

you ever sneeze so powerfully it cures your mental illness for a minute

[emotional] soup season

being subverted probably feels good af for a trope

too bad Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge is the only thing I remember from years of piano lessons

this is the best book review I have ever seen

legally any work assignment can be written in limerick form if they don't specifically say no limericks

idk why but I feel untethered if there isn't at least one dirty dish in my sink at all times

[mournfully] covfefe

there should be more men written by women irl

see Wanda and A Woman Under the Influence back to back and question your entire existence (in a 70s throwback way)

I thought this would go without saying but you should really wait until you're off the airplane to start playing your ukelele

every morning when vyvanse kicks in I have a 45 min window in which I’m capable of texting back, answering emails and generally being a functional person. if u miss me in that window, sooo sorry try again tmw babe

"the bar is low" but in a limbo way or a pole vaulting way ???