Ello there me ole pals, me ole beauties! Oi as woke up frum moi undeadness again to 'aunt that there Nudine Doris until she stops what she de a doin to our BBC, an Oi invokes all them other #AmbridgeUndead an all you live uns to elp. #SaveOurBBC #TheArchers

When oi made some suggestions about what us could do on Valentoines Day, Mrs P hit me with er 'andbag. #TheArchers

Things in Ambridge seems a lot noicer than last toime Oi were a 'auntin it. Not so many orrible appenins. Oi moight jus stop aroud fer a bit and see what appens. #TheArchers

Oi never ad no problem with moi Oxford Unimiversity tutorial group. #TheArchers

Hello there me ole pals me ole beauties! Oi'm a manifesting meself back from retoirementation acoz it ave come to moi notice that someone as bin a misrepresentin me on BBC Radio 4 this afternoon. O ever ee were, Ee daint speak the King's English like what Oi allus ave. #TheArchers

A stirring up the past be roight dangerous with all us spectral entimitities what aunts Ambridge at the best of toimes. If this do carry on, they moight even wake Hobhound of Edgely, an then they'll be sorry. #TheArchers

The real prophet of Ambridge were me!

Hello, Peg, me ole pal me ole beauty! Praps Mrs P'll be so glad to see er little girl again she'll stop spectrally 'andbagin me fer a bit. #TheArchers

Even me or moi Nelson ain't never knocked out a vicar. #TheArchers

Oi as bin a ex resident of Abridge fer a sight longer than 15 years. "Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary" #TheArchers

Oi'm still 'ere, me ole pal me ole beauty! #TheArchers #AmbridgeGhosts bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0…

Appy Christmus me ole pals me ole beauties. An lets ope fer a much better #Ambridge in 2016. #thearchers

Well that's it. Barwick Green will now always be the signal for the off switch.

#thearchers was once a pleasure - sometimes sad, occasionally exciting, but now it's just a turgid stream of prurient sensationalism.

#thearchers just isn't fun, or funny, any more.

So, as one of the great characters of my childhood used to say: Good noight me ole pals, me ole beauties.