I can't wait to get married and not invite ppl who thought they were coming

::

girls be like “i hate this man” then have sex with him

my girl so loyal she don’t even text me

made you a cake

bubbles is actually me

Snoring is a red flag 🚩🚩🚩🚩 because why you can’t breathe? You stuffed with lies!

might dress as a vape this halloween so he’ll care if he loses me

I used to think adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. Multiple crises. Concurrently. All at once. All the time. Forever.

dressing up as cocaine for halloween so he’ll do me in the bathroom at a party

The spiders in my house watching me put up spider decorations after killing their brother

Either people are becoming more assholes or my threshold for assholeness is lowering I simply can’t decide

The miseducation is one of the truest classics to ever exist