“Spring break makes me not want to have a daughter.”— guy who has spent the last 4 days sexually assaulting women on the beach

EVERYBODY google “florida man” followed by your birthday (florida man august 22) and tell me what you get. mine is Florida Man tries to attack neighbor with tractor

Nobody: people from New York when they eat pizza from another City: x.com/A1Barely/statu…

Joaquin Phoenix: all I have are negative thoughts Me: *just shoving handfuls if buttered popcorn into my mouth* fuuuuck maybe IM the joker

great now buffalo will not only be known for slamming ourselves through tables but also for having 11 year olds who sound like they can hang dry wall

if you don’t like pickles keep that shit to yourself that’s fucking embarrassing

Stop complaining about your life. There are literally people living in Florida

Is there a better running gag in a comedy movie than the TLC bit in ‘The Other Guys’? x.com/CheeksFranz/st…

2020 giving off series finale vibes

#Epstein personal banker who secured him over 80 million in loans just hung himself. The federal judge who took on the Epstein case just had her son killed and husband shot and they want me to believe 2 security guards fell asleep & cameras failed while Epstein hung himself 🙄🙄

We’re literally about to uncover the largest sex trafficking ring in the world THIS IS HUGE and nobody gives a damn because your brains are controlled by the media and the media doesn’t want you to know that your favorite celebs that you worship and stalk are all pedos 🤒🤧

When Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Donald Trump Jr. are on the same side you know you fucked up Robinhood