Sometimes I wish my name was Brad so I could wear a “Brad to the Bone” shirt and mean it.

Houston, we have an outie.

I’m curious how many moms actually went back to pants with a button and zipper after pregnancy because these elastic waist jeans are The Best Thing

Time for my daily cupcake! 🧁

My MIL read a children’s book to my baby belly this weekend and I’m still emotional about it 😭💗🥺

Get a man who texts you things like: “Let’s go to house of pies and get one for dessert tonight”

To all my friends that DM me recipes: Thanks for the boners.

The heartburn is chronic, but these second trimester tits are iconic

Every time I tell my daughter I love her, she responds with, “I love daddy,” which is toddler speak for go fuck yourself, mama. Hashtag blessed.

You know those people that tell you just avoid that $5 latte each day and you’d be saving so much money? Well, it only took COVID for me to finally try it out and it works! I’ve already saved about $23,000 so far this year. Gonna save it so I can buy two cups a day in 2021.

Marry someone who protects your naps.

A forest fire that burns down 7000 acres for a gender reveal and I STILL DON’T KNOW THE GENDER?! #eldoradofire

Husband: how many cookies do you want? Me: just 1 Husband: I’m going to give you 2, okay? #Keeper

Is it too early to break into the Halloween candy we bought yesterday?

I’m feels-the-need-to-pee-while-washing-my-hands-after-peeing weeks pregnant

👏 time for my afternoon cupcake

Sorry, I can’t come in to work today my dog fell asleep with his head on my foot so I hope you understand.

I’m can’t-reach-my-feet-so-husband-puts-on-my-socks-and-shoes-now weeks pregnant.

The Trump fans obsessed with “sheeple” and “liberal fake news” are the same people reposting whack-ass conspiracy theories without any level of fact-checking. And they don’t even see the irony.

I Overate: a memoir.