[Squid games but for dads] A bunch of dads are locked in a house with all of the lights left on. First dad to turn off a light or mention the utility bill gets murdered.

There’s this new fridge I want that replaces that annoying beeping sound when you leave the door open for too long with an old man who just yells at you from the living room.

Is there an age requirement to go into that store called Lush at the mall? I’m scared they’re going to think I’m too old and tell me to go to Bath and Body Works instead.

I know Elon Musk is working on a Rocket that can take civilians to space but I just invented a hair straightener that unplugs itself.

Thought I’d share some important news. It’s been a few days since wife asked me to look for something in her purse and you’ll never guess what I ended up finding, because I’m still looking. She’s got a lot of stuff in her purse.

I have some important news. It’s been a few days since my wife asked me to look for something in her purse and you’ll never guess what I ended up finding, because I’m still looking. She’s got a lot of stuff in her purse.

The year is 2065. You awake to a text that says… Sale Ends tonight. Last chance to get 95% off for Cyber Monday 2022. Don’t miss out.

“El queso es viejo y petrido. Donde esta el sanitarios?”

The NY “Giants” name has got to go. They should change it to “Big People.”

Nobody: Plant Based Milk commercials: Did you know you can milk any nuts? Just squeeze them and get fresh nut milk. Try our potent nut milk today.

Day 1 - by 4pm today I was farting so bad my wife commented asking if I had shit my pants. It’s the next morning and it’s still that bad. I fear for our relationship and have so many questions….what did I eat? Was it dairy? Cheese? Was it the oat milk latte? When will it end?

I created a skin glistening product that makes your face looks so moist that it appears like sweat. It only has one ingredient so it’s 100% actual organic human sweat. #BeautyHacks #moist #highfivemoisturize

When are we going to pass open carry hand grenade laws? You know, for protection.

It’s been raining too much lately so made these my work from home shoes - Jordan 4 Black Cavas and Tiffany high SB Dunk #atmoscollectorsclub #atmosweb size M 10

I used chatGPT to make me rich and I made $7000 in 3 days! Here’s how: It connected me to an entrepreneur named Carlos. After exchanging emails we met up . After some negotiating I agreed to be his drug mule and smuggled a brick of Cocaine in my ass across the border. Easy money

I married my cousin but we only consider ourselves family when we go to the Olive Garden.

Influencer “entrepreneurs” be like: I have ambition. I want to own 3 million companies in the next 30 hrs. Take that. I’m better. Also I only need to sleep 3 hrs a day bc sleep is the enemy. Who needs sleep? Sleep is for losers. Be ambitious like me.

Ad: $59 PUMA Suede Beavis & Butthead howl.me/clJoPc7J2Iy

they will fall 1 by 1