The more I drink the more I can’t listen to an entire song because I get too excited to play the next song, and so on, and so on, until I’m passed out.

“Mufasa’s death is one of the most heart-wrenching movie scenes ever. There’s no way to make it any more sa-“

ZERO CHANCE I get the gig w/o the internet. If u’re up 4 it, could u tag every ESPN/NFL on ESPN post w/ #McAfeeForMNF & #DoTheRightThingESPN.. We will earn this job together. I NEED YOU & all of ur friends help. Spread the love, let’s make #MNF MUST-WATCH

Me when it starts hitting 70 degrees and up

Because Shiela goes Bat Shit on Tequila.

I hate golf. I quit golf. I can’t wait to play tomorrow.

*me to me while opening up a bag of chips* “i’ll just have a couple” also me: “yeah, a couple servings”

I miss Case Keenum

YOUR 2019 A.L. CENTRAL CHAMPS! #MNTwins

You’re not using your paper for writing, but for rolling doobies!

1-99

1 million RTs and I’ll tell u who my new man on the Minnesota Minnesota Vikings is 😏

After Eight Long Years, The Office Finally Releases 'Threat Level Midnight' In Full On YouTube buff.ly/2YLQLYo

🚨🚨 Who wants 2 tickets to see us take on the Packers Monday night!? RT for a chance to win!! 🚨🚨 #WPMOYChallenge Rudolph Winner will be selected by noon Thursday!! #Skol #MNF

Ok, but when did Will Ferrell make these videos?😂

So much for retirement. The 2020 All Hockey Hair Team is here thanks to Great Clips generous donation to the Hendrickson Foundation. The Flow Must Go On! 2020 AHH --> bit.ly/38zEc5u

New song called “Used to Wish I Was.” Lots of things I wanted to be growing up, but now I wouldn’t want to be anyone else but me. Hope y’all like it and can relate!

The world needs an Ari Gold spin-off right now Jeremy Piven

Everyone who retweets this gets free wings if the game goes to overtime.

RIP to America’s dad, Bob Saget