It's so cold this winter; get this. It's so cold out, that I overheard Bhad Bhabie saying, "cash me INside!" Wow, how about that? Folks we've got a great show tonight so stick around

I didn’t sell my soul. It’s only for rent and when it comes back it will be no less pure

young crows took everything shiny and fly

Hey lol just putting in my two week friendship notice. After these 2 weeks I don’t want to be friends anymore.

You’re my intellectual property. I thought about you

A toothpick changes nothing 💯

They’re letting me transcend

he makes the same blank expression when he wants food cuddles sex and all other earthly desires and calls me autistic when I can’t differentiate between them

politician friend is too busy to hangout with the patronage network or give us handouts…bro you’re being so unelectable rn…

my girl is a NIMBY she won’t build a future with me

Everybody thinks salmon are so impressive for swimming upstream but like, they're in the ocean. Upstream is the only way direction of stream to go

Its simple: friendship particles become excited during a period of heightened kindness, and the joy subsequently freed amasses until large enough to cause a Fun Wave.

Duluth’s beauty doesn’t make it mysterious or mystical. I know the whole layout of every park and street like the back of my hand and it belongs to us not right wing slop accounts like you and mythoamerica

My friend’s dad used to bully you on the pontoon boat and you dated a 26 year old

do you ever look at a 80 million year old fossil and think. we would not get on

you’re a fake grinder i saw you enjoying a hobby

I’d love a subterranean house with no windows or glass. I could throw as many stones as I want.

Salvador Dali is venerated for drawing a surrealist clock but when I do it I’m sent to the memory care unit

saying Charlie Kirk three times in the mirror and immediately getting picked off by the Israeli Chris Kyle

New England and the upper Midwest are part of the same civilization as Canada and we are in a war with the sunbelt